


Chick Lit

by SubwayWolf



Series: Old College Try [6]
Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Bad Dirty Talk, Bad Flirting, Established Relationship, F/M, Mild Sexual Content, Phone Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-08
Updated: 2017-09-08
Packaged: 2018-12-25 06:13:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12029859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SubwayWolf/pseuds/SubwayWolf
Summary: Dee hopes that phone sex might be a good test of her acting skills. Charlie is willing to help, but he's not very good at it.





	Chick Lit

**Author's Note:**

> it's still chardee week, right? well here's my contribution! just wanted to do something quick after the patriots lost and depressed the shit out of me. hopefully this turned out okay!
> 
> btw, i don't specify what kind of parts charlie has in this, so if you interpret him as trans or if you don't, you can read it either way!

“Do you think I’m good at acting?”

That question felt like a trap through and through. Charlie avoided answering it outright. He grimaced. “Uhh…”

“Don’t answer that.” Dee sighed. “Never mind. Forget I asked. I’m over it.” 

It was hard to tell through the phone, but it sounded like she had flopped down on her bed. She was probably sprawled out and staring at the ceiling right now. Charlie found himself thinking about if he could fit on the bed with her. If Dennis and Mac and Old Black Man could fit on it, Charlie could too, right? Better yet, it could just be him and Dee. Even if she wanted to sprawl out, Charlie could curl up into a little ball like a kitten to give her and her long limbs all the room she desired. Maybe she’d even let him sleep close to her, near her lap or balled up by her side. Maybe she’d hold him or run a hand through his hair.

“Are you listening to me?”

Had she been talking this whole time? Charlie stammered, “Oh. Uh, no. I am not.”

There was a hint of disappointment in her voice. “You’re not up for it? Oh. That’s fine. That’s whatever – I don’t care. I was just joking anyway. I didn’t really want to try it.”

She was deflecting, which meant she really did care, and that peaked Charlie’s curiosity. “Whoa, hold on, Dee. I meant I wasn’t listening. What were you saying?”

A long pause. “It’s stupid.”

“So? I like stupid things.”

Dee sighed again. She sighed noticeably often. “I was saying that actors are really good at using the power of words to get a certain end result, and that I wanna test out my acting skills.”

“I thought you we’re over that low self-esteem attack.”

“Never.” 

Charlie laid back on his bed, too. He stared up at his ceiling and wondered how similar Dee’s view was. “Do you need my help?”

“Of course I need your help. Did you think I called you just to say hi?”

“I mean, that would have been really nice of you…”

“I’m going to see you in an hour at the bar, Charlie.”

“Yeah, but little good morning phone calls are nice. So, I mean, like, in the future, if you ever want to give me a call-”

“Charlie, do you want to try phone sex or not?”

Charlie froze in place. He could feel himself turn hotter, dangerously, the kind of rapid heat wave one felt typically before puking unexpectedly. He nodded, then remembered she couldn’t see him. 

Then he answered, quietly, sheepishly, “Sure.”

* * *

“So, um… Are you touching yourself right now?” Dee asked with a grimace. 

Almost everything about this phone call was super awkward, but it was better to try dirty talk over the phone than it was in person, as it tried out. She was glad Charlie couldn’t see her expression, though it probably wouldn’t have bothered him either way. If he could pick up her lack of confidence in her voice, he wasn’t saying anything about it.

“Yeah,” Charlie mumbled. He sounded preoccupied, maybe a little frustrated, on other end. 

“Are you lying to me?”

“Uhh. No?”

Dee sunk herself further down into her pillows, propping her head and shoulders up as she laid back on the bed, legs spread, wearing nothing but a faded purple cotton robe. She kept her vibrator buzzing against the lips of her pussy for now, away from her clit, but the sensation was still exciting enough to get her wet. She felt bored, and wanted to get properly started as soon as possible. Dennis and Mac would return from their coffee run soon, and while they had very rudely walked in on her in similar positions before, she did not want it to happen again.

“You better not be lying to me, Charlie. Because I am totally touching myself right now, and if you’re not, I’m going to feel like an asshole.”

“Yeah,” he said again.

“Yeah what!?”

“Yeah…” Charlie still sounded distant and flustered. “I’m having some trouble.”

Shit. Of course he was having trouble – Dee wasn’t being sexy at all right now, and she was definitely not being a good actress. She was just being a jerk, and though Charlie deserved that sometimes, he didn’t deserve it right now.

“You’re right. This isn’t sexy,” Dee agreed, even though she felt her cheeks flush. “Say something sexy.”

“Uhh…” Charlie started with that, and then trailed off. “I bet you look real good right now.”

Dee broke out of her rhythm for a second. _Good_? Charlie was horrible at picking the right words. Couldn’t he have kicked it up a notch and said _sexy_ or hot or even _pretty_? She barely refrained from rolling her eyes. 

In the silence that followed, though, she finally heard proof that Charlie was touching himself. It sounded gross as hell, but the sloppy sounds made for a vivid mental picture which Dee really wanted to see for herself. She would have killed to switch this conversation to Skype or FaceTime, but Charlie’s flip phone supported neither application, which meant Charlie’s misconnection with technology was ruining yet another sorta-date. 

Before she could compliment him or say something about it, Charlie interjected again. “I’m real sorry, Dee. This isn’t working for me at all.”

“I know,” she rushed to say, her stomach falling into a pit. “I’m bad at this. Just give me a second to think-”

“I can’t do this with one hand, Dee. I need both.” 

Dee froze. “You need… _both_? What the hell are you talking about?”

“Don’t make fun of me. I’m not as coordinated as you. I can’t do this with one hand and hold my phone with the other,” he admitted in a rush. “I need both hands. But every time I try, my phone falls off my shoulder and onto the bed. It’s super annoying, and I don’t want to miss anything you say, so… do you have any tips for me? Like, is there a special way you’re holding your phone or something?”

The pit in Dee’s stomach vanished. Okay, so it wasn’t her fault. Not all of it, at least.

But instead of feeling relieved, she quickly felt annoyed. “Just put it on speaker, Charlie.”

“I don’t have speaker,” he said innocently.

Dee sighed. What did she expect? 

A sigh was a sufficient answer for Charlie. “I’ll just make do, I guess. So, uh…” Charlie’s breathing got a bit lighter as he strained himself, from whatever he was doing on the other end there. “Are you gonna tell me something sexy now? Or am I just supposed to close my eyes and picture you naked? ‘Cause that’s what I’ve been doing this whole time, and it’s really working for me. Wait – is that cheating?”

God damn. How adorable. Dee sighed again, this time from contentment.

She let her head fall back into the pillows, an amused and comfortable smile on her face. Her acting might not have been the best, but overall, this experiment was nice, and hopefully one they could get into the habit of repeating. Charlie wasn’t doing so great either, but least he was trying. Doing their best was all they could ever ask of each other, and it’s exactly what they would continue to give.

**Author's Note:**

> hi im zack, and if you're reading this i love you. if you have sunny requests, send them out to my curiouscat (@subwaywolf) or my tumblr (also subwaywolf) or just say hi and be my friend. i'm nice and also cool.


End file.
